I still remember what the semi-truck looked like as it came towards me. It’s been a year since that car accident, but I still feel the impact. My back and shoulder nerves continue to hurt and occasionally send out painful reminders through my arms andĀ legs that this injury has larger than local implications. Physical therapy appointments take up each week and right now there’s no end in sight.

I can live with the physical pain, but what pains me the most is not being able to do what I’ve dreamed of, dedicated years to, and place much value in: farming. Most days I feel satisfied doing what I can by growing grains, which don’t require daily attention, and cultivating seeds. But sometimes I’ll walk through the farmers’ market and feel envious of the colorful vegetable booths, the farmers geeking out with customers about produce flavors and textures, and the diversity of crops. I feel cheated of the chance to share my skills through tangible, nutritious, and delectable objects that I’ve cared for and produced.

I understand that I must be patient and heal. But some days it feels daunting and interminable.

And today is a day to remember the doors that have closed, hopefully temporarily, and the doors that have opened. I’ve been able to help other farmers grow food and improve their farm businesses. I’ve been able to support the creation of equitable jobs through cooperatives. I’m grateful to exercise my other abilities for a greater good.

Here’s to more healing through this next year.